Dear tumblr diary internet public thing. Whilst the title may be generally misleading, this post isn’t entirely blaming the costuming scene of Chicago. It’s just the icing on the cake. This entire year has been one hot clusterfuck of disappointment, depression and stress for me and the Dragoncon prep right now has pushed me over the edge. Actually, the costuming scene in Chicago just pushed me over the edge. Wait no, being sick for a week has. No no, wait. Ahhh who am I kidding. It’s sldgfjdfkgjhdfkgjdhfkjh #ragequit
I know I am not the only one who feels this way on the scene up here in the Midwest. It seems, especially this year, the scene has not just dwindled down as far as age group goes, but maturity level and lack of respect has gone out the window as well. It’s very disappointing. So whereas there are definitely those that have this image of me where I’m some nasty unapproachable bitch, or get upset when I do not recall meeting someone (at a convention, which you need to understand I talk to 100’s of people every day at a con); rest assured I am actually probably one of the most honest, hilarious and outgoing people you will ever meet. Just because I had you take my photo at a convention, and I denied your Facebook friend request, doesn’t mean I’m a ginormous cunt. It’s a workplace for me most of the time when I’m at a convention, so I treat people as such at first.
I cannot make sure that every single person isn’t offended by who I am and the things I do. I’m not the HR department. (Refer to POST: http://ikearstin.tumblr.com/post/28382490739/life-doesnt-have-an-hr-department)
While I love meeting people, making new friends, networking and going on new adventures; that does not mean I open my private doors to every single person that shakes my hand. Specifically, this means Facebook. I have private information on that profile, my mother, and my real life friends (and potentials that I do business with). If you just want to tag me in your photos you took at a convention, trust me. It will happen. I will be spotted by someone. You’re also more than welcome to tag the fanpage: www.facebook.com/kearstinnicholson - I do costuming competitively and as a business, so it’s not always just for “fun” or “as a hobby”. I don’t “cosplay”. Lately, it seems there are lot of people in the scene that the life has been sucked out of what fun it has been for me. People have been completely unable to differentiate business and personal.Note: not all, just most. Emotion and business. “Friends” (costuming friends) take advantage of the fact that I sew and craft and EXPECT it from me, when help is just that. Help. If you want me to make you something, don’t put up a fucking stink when I ask you for labor money or hell, even fucking money for MATERIALS. When you stop talking to me when there is no costume to be made, that doesn’t scream “friend” to me. That screams “Kearstin I’m only using you because then I don’t have to make this costume myself and you know how to sew and I don’t, but since you’re not sewing for me, I have nothing to talk to you about”.
Cool story bro.
Mike and I live together. We live in a house. We own it. We’ve been here since Feb 2011. We also live in a fairly expensive town. We also live in a fairly expensive county. In a super expensive state. While the bills of our lives aren’t really what hurts; 2012 took a turn for the worse on MULTIPLE unexpected expenses for BOTH of us and put us incredibly off track on the swing of our financial stability. Even with Mike’s second job in a band and my side jobs as a seamstress, nude model and photo retoucher. So when I say “I can’t go to that convention on our own dime”, that doesn’t mean I’m asking for a hand out. That means I’d rather have food in our fridge than spend a retarded amount of money to go hang out with people I do already outside of a convention. Multiple times a year.
My head has too many thoughts at once.
The costumers in the Chicago scene’s maturity level is significantly shrinking as well. We all know what “cosplay drama” is, but no matter how many times I look the other way, close the door, walk away; that horseshit always seems to find it’s way to my door. I know lots of people and no matter who ends up running their mouth, regardless if I’m actually friends with them or not, that bad mouthing makes it way back to me. Even when I don’t ask for it.
Those who are honest with me, tell me constantly how so many people think I’m unapproachable, how I’m rude, how online I seem like this grouchy, mean, bitch. How I’m egotistical, full of myself, dramatic and stupid. I’m this or that or what.
Those people have never met me before.
There are a handful of people who disapprove of the fact that my naked ass is online. How I have “clients” in a fetish community. How it makes me money. How I have fans (which used to playfully be referred to as ‘minions’. Clearly those in the costuming scene didn’t understand my Twitter following and the concept of a VILLAIN and her MINIONS; so I refer to my fans as ‘my pretties’ now. Hopefully digitally personifying the Wicked Witch of the (Mid)West is a little bit more sarcastic for these people as it’s all in good fun and my fans do not feel like I’m power tripping over their fandom).
We all remember the secret… excuse me, “private”… forum issues I had exposed a while back. There were lots of misconstrued issues with that as well. People thinking I started that, I did that on purpose, I did it our of nowhere and they completely missed the point why I exposed that crock of shit in the first place. (Refer to POST: http://ikearstin.tumblr.com/post/26643202714/this-about-that)
Everyone talks a big game on how much they wish “cosplay drama” wasn’t such a big deal amongst us all. How we’re all nerds who should “come together” *cue Beatles*. What I don’t understand is why when I take that route, and walk away, others continue the drama. Continue the slander, the bashing, the shit talk, the gossiping (when it’s about me). Where it’s not just in “cosplay” that this is apparent, it’s fucking everywhere. It’s up to YOU to stop it.
Just be honest with each other.
I don’t have to be friends with everybody. Nor does everybody have to be friends with me. What I DO ask is that if you want to be my friend, be that… A FRIEND. Do not have me around to “keep tabs”, do not add me on Facebook just to watch my costume work in progress photos just to get upset because I’m doing the same character you’ve done or are doing, too. Do not be sunshine and rainbows to my face, but behind my back call me everything in the book. Do not add my boyfriend (who openly does add people to help promote his band) just to keep tabs on me when he has my shit show in your feed (due to comments, likes, tags).
I don’t have time for that shit.
And that’s what rages you. I don’t give you the time of day to fight with you over the fucking internet so you get upset and talk to OTHER people about me instead. Just stop.
Because you know what you don’t do? Say any of this to my face.
Every single person who has caused, I’ve try to resolve, involved or whatever in drama… ALL say “I WOULD SAY THIS TO YOUR FACE!”
Nobody ever does. Ever has.
And when I approach you? You run away, avoid me at a convention, say “Oh I never said that” or just be completely nice to me. It’s because I’m almost 6ft tall isn’t it. You didn’t know that did you. You didn’t know that I actually have a set of metaphorical nuts and have absolutely no problem coming to the source of horseshit and try to fix things to keep neutral peace.
I want nothing more for there to be that. Peace. I don’t care to be everybody’s friend, but peace is just something so easy to accomplish that every time something stupid happens, it only has me to believe that people THRIVE off of this “cosplay drama”. Everybody is nosey, everybody wants to be better than each other but out loud just chalk it up to being a hobby so they seem innocent.
“Unsuccessful people always hate successful people.”
Well, I never lie, as I have a reason to, so I will say this in text to you, dear readers, where I stand in the costuming scene as a whole:
- I hate what Chicago’s scene has become, and this is why Guido, Roguestool, Mike and I have created www.theoutfitcostuming.com, to bring family together instead of apart that so many boards have done.
- I do not think of myself as the best costumer in the world, but I do consider myself in elitist. By definition. I push to affiliate with people who take the craft seriously. Who are good at it. So I can grow and become great at it. Be amongst those who respect it. I am a very talented person. I don’t fix things in life with duct tape.
- I’m competitive. So yes, you will find me in contests, competitions, races and fundraisers. And today, I have grown to now have “Judge” under my belt.
- I’m in it for accuracy. While I do not sport massive tits, a size 0, or 22” waistline, also being heavily tattooed, I still try to make the costume (THE COSTUME) closest to what it is and who the character is. This also means you will not find me making a costume of a character I do not know or have references to. An ethnicity I am not. A tit size I am not. It’s my respect for the character and it’s creator that I KNOW WHO IT IS. Sure, I do popular characters, but I also do completely obscure as well. This is because I actually play video games, read comics, and watch movies. I also OWN THEM. I’m not the “cosplay police”, but neither are you. So stop throwing tomatoes at my work.
- I on occasion take costume commissions. I also post and alert when I no longer take them. Just because I do that, does not mean I know how to do everything in the book and will always take your order thinking I will “this one time” or make an “exception” because I know you. I taught myself how to sew and do all of this stuff and I still learn something new every day. On that note, I am all about helping others. That does not mean I will make you the same exact costume I have. How will I be different from you? Be the best? “Do it first or do it best.”
All I want to do is be really awesome at something, be proud at something, show it off, take amazing photos, make money from it, be a little famous and then get drunk at a convention with my friends.
Why is this such a hard thing to accomplish stress free?
I’ve had deaths this year, family stress this year, financial stress, emotional stress. So when I have a bunch of fucking 20-something year old kids online or in their stinky messy goddamn hotel room running their mouths about LYKE OMG SO AND SO DID THIS WAHHH THAT PERSON IS A BITCH, BUT I’M OFFENDED YOU CALLED ME A JERK shit, I don’t caaaaare.
I DON’T CAAAAAREEEEE.
I care about how *I* look what *I* do and who *I’M* friends with. Fuck off otherwise.
Yes, there are things I’m “better” at than some, things I’m “more experienced in”, more “mature” about. That does not mean I think I’m Athena or fkn Narcissus. That just means I strive for a little bit more than “medicore”. I work hard to get what I want. I don’t sit there with a hand out and expect to be ‘famous’ or ‘known’ or ‘noticed’ just by existing.
I’m not *that* cool.
Needless to say, I feel like the Chicago scene has turned into one big massive Acen playground and I’ve been chaperoning.
I’m not your fucking mother. Grow up.
Now if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to go freak out and snuggle with my damn cat and wait for my boyfriend to get home.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss playing my piano.